What the crap are these people talking about??

Alright, so I'm sitting here in front of the TV. Craig Ferguson's show has just ended and some bizarre Christian show is on. There is a husband and wife (her name is Rexella?! That's a fearsome monster's name!) team blabbering on about Revelation and quoting scripture. She says a verse, he says "yes, that's from Revelation whatever whatever". Then he says something and she agrees. And apparently they're pushing his Prophecy Bible and all the"Prophesized Truths" or something like that. Lemme get a pen and write down the phone number so I can order this crap for all my friends...

Now they're going through headlines featuring corruption (Tyco execs, DeLay, etc.). Oh wait, they're tying it into the Ten Commandments. A great drinking game could be made of the number of times he has just said "covet" or "covetousness". OMG! Now he's going on about false prophets who were disgraced (one outed by the Amazing Randy, one imprisoned for tax evasion, one who had married twice....). Yep, that last one for being married twice. Oookaaayy. Oh, he's incensed because they are back on TV.

Pompeii: can we learn from those who perished?; colleges reaching their limit on alcohol consumption by students, Bourbon Street; chlamydia and syphilis rates increase. What is the world coming to?? Apparently they have the answer. Yep, the sinners of Pompeii were "encased in their sin" when the volcano erupted. I just LOL! Oh wait, now we're getting to the man and woman staying chaste and only having relations within the bonds of marriage.

Damn, I'm going to have wait until next week to learn about the asteroids that are going to hit the earth.

And he also warned me not to have oral sex. It's a sin. Crap.... God help me.

Wait, there IS hope. His wife wants to save me because there IS hope. If I write to her, she'll send me a book on a life in a new direction. Damn, where IS my pen??